My First Spiritual Awakening
Are you in touch with your spiritual being?
Peace, Happiness and Nature, all have one thing in common for me, and that's being 'spiritual'
I once thought that I wasn't a stereotypical person. I like to think that I have a very open mind - So long as no one preaches to me or tries to convince me to join their religious group, I am more than happy to listen to each and every individuals personal experiences. I love listening to the ways people in deal with life and I feel that having contact with something spiritual is really important, whether it's all in our imaginations, has a name, or not.
I'm not keen on putting labels to everything, because when a label has been placed, it usually means that it is explained -Debates and conversation are over, there are no more unanswered questions'
I believe you cannot just put a label on the 'spiritual' world (or whatever you want to call it)
I feel the need to express my thoughts about this because I have recently had lots of spiritual experiences, good and bad. I was also preached to not long ago, which as interested I was to hear about their story, I ended up bemused, and towards the end slightly insulted - my listening ear had once again been taken advantage of, or misinterpreted as vulnerability. I ended up asking myself, 'Why do I feel like I was being given a sales pitch for something materialistic? And what right do they have telling me how to cure myself from a condition I have suffered with since I was a child. If they know so much about my condition, why haven't they cured the estimated 250,000 people (from 2011) that suffer with this dreadful illness.
Over the past 14+ years of being unwell, I have at a lot of times struggled to communicate, it's a lot of the time just too exhausting to be in a group, to listen and then talk.
so I often wind up with my own thoughts, most of the time feeling like I can't control what I think about, good or bad.
Years ago I often prayed to 'if anyone or anything is listening' ... After all, if these superior beings do exist, what right do we have to determine their gender?? Why does it even matter? Why do we refer to God as a he? or Mother nature as a she? in all things science, everything has a gender, but we are not talking science here, because science cannot explain superior beings, spirits, anything paranormal. So why should gender be included in something that is not in this day scientific?
Gender brings judgement to most topics, and I really believe that the spiritual world holds no judgement, except from separating what's good from bad. I think we can all figure out what those basic rules are.
I have not read the bible, nor have I felt the need to (although bits were read to me in school without me realising)
In my eyes the bible is simply a life guide, something that humans have labelled to simplify things - Because that's what humans like to do - we like to label, organise, problem solve and answer questions as simply as possible. Got a question? Read the bible, all the answers are in there. Umm, okay, but I think I would rather find personal answers to my personal questions, so therefore I can only answer those personal questions myself.
Over the past 14+ years of being unwell, I have at a lot of times struggled to communicate, it's a lot of the time just too exhausting to be in a group, to listen and then talk.
so I often wind up with my own thoughts, most of the time feeling like I can't control what I think about, good or bad.
Years ago I often prayed to 'if anyone or anything is listening' ... After all, if these superior beings do exist, what right do we have to determine their gender?? Why does it even matter? Why do we refer to God as a he? or Mother nature as a she? in all things science, everything has a gender, but we are not talking science here, because science cannot explain superior beings, spirits, anything paranormal. So why should gender be included in something that is not in this day scientific?
Gender brings judgement to most topics, and I really believe that the spiritual world holds no judgement, except from separating what's good from bad. I think we can all figure out what those basic rules are.
I have not read the bible, nor have I felt the need to (although bits were read to me in school without me realising)
In my eyes the bible is simply a life guide, something that humans have labelled to simplify things - Because that's what humans like to do - we like to label, organise, problem solve and answer questions as simply as possible. Got a question? Read the bible, all the answers are in there. Umm, okay, but I think I would rather find personal answers to my personal questions, so therefore I can only answer those personal questions myself.
Influence always helps, and I am aware that the bible and other religious books are really just a guide, but after being preached to more than once, I've personally found it just a little off putting to read for myself.
It doesn't mean to say that I am not willing to listen. If a friend asked me if he/she could read me the bible, or any other religious book, I would happily get comfy and be prepared to listen, because I trust them to not preach!
My instinct insists that I keep all doors open - I am here to listen and empathise, but not to necessarily take sides.
Listening to myself is a whole new learning curve for me. What do I need? Spiritually?
When I am in certain places, or certain situations, I feel the aura/spirit of lost loved ones. Is that normal? Am I just imagining things? Is it a life coping mechanism for self comfort? Whatever it is, I firmly believe that there are certain people from my life who watch over me. Which does of course, bring great comfort when I am feeling low and struggling with life's' general shit.
I know there are plenty of people that express their spiritual experiences, yet despite having my own, I still take those stories from other people with a pinch of salt, so does that mean that I do not fully believe in my own experiences? Am I really as open minded as I like to think I am?
I find one particular experience difficult to share, mainly because I feel it's pretty hard to believe in general, but something inside me is telling me to talk about it, so, here it is...
I have always believed that something that feels unnerving follows me. Put it down to M.E hallucinations, trick of the mind, or any other logical explanation as you please - In my mind, it feels real despite knowing that it probably isn't. However many times I try to shake it off and ignore it, it still feels real. It drives me mad. Am I mad?
A tall, dark, broad shadow, has haunted me in mirrors, through windows, doorways, stairwells (looking up or down at me) for years. At one point it used to stand over me at the end of my bed, or sit beside me in the early hours of the morning, at my worst stages of this illness, I found it almost comforting, but other times, it was slightly disturbing.
I'm still trying to work out if this 'spirit' of some kind was bad, or just in desperate need of help? Was it a superior being trying to get my attention after all these years? or was this spirit just desperate to look after something, so desperate it got angry and jealous when I went through periods of improvement but calmed down when I relapsed - Nonetheless, it creeps me out now I'm old enough to think that this isn't really a normal thing to be experiencing.
A few weeks ago (now years), I felt the presence of this particular spirit following me around the house, which to say the least, I was a little confused and anxious about it.
It doesn't mean to say that I am not willing to listen. If a friend asked me if he/she could read me the bible, or any other religious book, I would happily get comfy and be prepared to listen, because I trust them to not preach!
My instinct insists that I keep all doors open - I am here to listen and empathise, but not to necessarily take sides.
Listening to myself is a whole new learning curve for me. What do I need? Spiritually?
When I am in certain places, or certain situations, I feel the aura/spirit of lost loved ones. Is that normal? Am I just imagining things? Is it a life coping mechanism for self comfort? Whatever it is, I firmly believe that there are certain people from my life who watch over me. Which does of course, bring great comfort when I am feeling low and struggling with life's' general shit.
I know there are plenty of people that express their spiritual experiences, yet despite having my own, I still take those stories from other people with a pinch of salt, so does that mean that I do not fully believe in my own experiences? Am I really as open minded as I like to think I am?
I find one particular experience difficult to share, mainly because I feel it's pretty hard to believe in general, but something inside me is telling me to talk about it, so, here it is...
I have always believed that something that feels unnerving follows me. Put it down to M.E hallucinations, trick of the mind, or any other logical explanation as you please - In my mind, it feels real despite knowing that it probably isn't. However many times I try to shake it off and ignore it, it still feels real. It drives me mad. Am I mad?
A tall, dark, broad shadow, has haunted me in mirrors, through windows, doorways, stairwells (looking up or down at me) for years. At one point it used to stand over me at the end of my bed, or sit beside me in the early hours of the morning, at my worst stages of this illness, I found it almost comforting, but other times, it was slightly disturbing.
I'm still trying to work out if this 'spirit' of some kind was bad, or just in desperate need of help? Was it a superior being trying to get my attention after all these years? or was this spirit just desperate to look after something, so desperate it got angry and jealous when I went through periods of improvement but calmed down when I relapsed - Nonetheless, it creeps me out now I'm old enough to think that this isn't really a normal thing to be experiencing.
A few weeks ago (now years), I felt the presence of this particular spirit following me around the house, which to say the least, I was a little confused and anxious about it.
Day by day I really felt this presence to become quite overpowering, I tried my best to ignore it, because for a few years now, this spirit has never entered my bedroom, and I was fine with it as long as it stayed that way - Until one evening, I was resting on my bed, perfectly relaxed and content, only to look at my gorgeous mirror, seeing this tall dark sharp figure staring at me through the mirror as though it was a window. With a gasp and a blink it was gone. Scared and confused, I asked myself -
Why on earth has this thing been following me around all these years? What does it want? Why is it infatuated with me? I was scared shitless that night. Am I going crazy? Because I certainly felt like I was! Whatever this is, it needs to be sorted, right now.
Something out there is seriously trying to get my attention, and it seems that it was getting pissed! Despite feeling shook up, I managed to get to sleep, promising myself that I would figure something out tomorrow, I just didn't know what.
I didn't have a great nights' sleep. I can't remember exactly what I dreamt about, but it was a pretty bad nightmare. I remember fear and fire being dragged out of it backwards by something. I woke up staring at the clock to see that it was 3:33am ... 333?? WHAT is this?! I felt seriously freaked out. I was convinced something evil was at work here, I just couldn't work out if it was my mind or something super natural here.
The first thing I did the following day was get online to search these demon like numbers 333.
To my surprise and utter relief, I discovered that the numbers 333 and other repetitive numbers are to be interpreted at guardian angels sending us messages. Reassurance that they are guarding, guiding and protecting.
I found this discovery really comforting, and quite a sweet thought that angels are watching over me. But I still like to ask questions. If they exist (which I'm starting to think they really do!) Why do they feel the need to protect me? What are they protecting me from? and what on earth is it that they are protecting me from?! Are they protecting me from my mind? Perhaps... Coincidence?
I have no logical answers - all I can say, is since that very disturbing night, seeing and learning what those numbers could mean, I have not seen or felt this dark aura/spirit so often, and when I do, it's easier to deal with. I also see number patterns at least once a day! mostly on digital clocks. Each time I have searched these numbers I get shivers down my spine, angels(?) sending out messages of comfort.
Is the explanation really staring at me in the face? Or is it my mind at play, finding ways to cope with my insecurities and anxieties? I'd like to think there really is someone, something superior to us, offering comfort and protection to the people that struggle with the daily life that us humans have created for ourselves.
I'm sure this conversation has been going on since Science was deemed real. If science cannot prove it, it therefore does not exist. A matter of coincidence and tricks of the mind. Rather a plain and depressing way to think of life, don't you think?
Why on earth has this thing been following me around all these years? What does it want? Why is it infatuated with me? I was scared shitless that night. Am I going crazy? Because I certainly felt like I was! Whatever this is, it needs to be sorted, right now.
Something out there is seriously trying to get my attention, and it seems that it was getting pissed! Despite feeling shook up, I managed to get to sleep, promising myself that I would figure something out tomorrow, I just didn't know what.
I didn't have a great nights' sleep. I can't remember exactly what I dreamt about, but it was a pretty bad nightmare. I remember fear and fire being dragged out of it backwards by something. I woke up staring at the clock to see that it was 3:33am ... 333?? WHAT is this?! I felt seriously freaked out. I was convinced something evil was at work here, I just couldn't work out if it was my mind or something super natural here.
The first thing I did the following day was get online to search these demon like numbers 333.
To my surprise and utter relief, I discovered that the numbers 333 and other repetitive numbers are to be interpreted at guardian angels sending us messages. Reassurance that they are guarding, guiding and protecting.
I found this discovery really comforting, and quite a sweet thought that angels are watching over me. But I still like to ask questions. If they exist (which I'm starting to think they really do!) Why do they feel the need to protect me? What are they protecting me from? and what on earth is it that they are protecting me from?! Are they protecting me from my mind? Perhaps... Coincidence?
I have no logical answers - all I can say, is since that very disturbing night, seeing and learning what those numbers could mean, I have not seen or felt this dark aura/spirit so often, and when I do, it's easier to deal with. I also see number patterns at least once a day! mostly on digital clocks. Each time I have searched these numbers I get shivers down my spine, angels(?) sending out messages of comfort.
Is the explanation really staring at me in the face? Or is it my mind at play, finding ways to cope with my insecurities and anxieties? I'd like to think there really is someone, something superior to us, offering comfort and protection to the people that struggle with the daily life that us humans have created for ourselves.
I'm sure this conversation has been going on since Science was deemed real. If science cannot prove it, it therefore does not exist. A matter of coincidence and tricks of the mind. Rather a plain and depressing way to think of life, don't you think?
Judge me as much as you like, call me a crazy spiritualist, or a gifted being (I would happily accept that compliment)
The only person that can make you believe and find comfort is within yourself - Of course, people, family and friends can influence and help, but only you can be convinced into believing in something that you yourself want to believe in, deep down in your subconscious.
So why don't you take a moment each day to sit quietly, with no book, music, tv or any distractions, and dare to explore your buried thoughts that seem to always take the back seat. It might take a few hours, maybe months with a therapist or maybe a similar experience to mine to wake you up, to listen to yourself for what you really need. One day, you may just find the comfort and motivation you need, within yourself.
The time when I finished this article, I kid you not. was 12:33 - worked it out yet?..
As you might be able to tell - this post was written some years ago, and I don't feel so hung up about labels. Because after some searching and learning, it seems that I fit quite well in to the Pagan label. A journey I will be writing about soon.
Share your first awakening experiences with me!
Comments
Post a Comment